The Path To Justise...(excepts)

...So if my first wife taught me that I could be loved & my second wife taught me that all that I dreamed I could achieve and more importantly that there were truly people out there that could be trusted, people who truly were good people who really didn't think of themselves first; what could T teach me? As it turns out she taught me one of the most important thing in my life, she taught me that I truly was/am capable of pure, honest, unconditional & unwavering love. I mean outside of my children. She taught me that the concept of a soul mate of a one and only was real. She taught me that I hadn't been so screwed up, that this cold emptiness that I had carried with me for over 30 years really could be filled and warmed...

...and it occurred to me at that moment, it wasn't the breaking of my heart that was so painful. After all my heart had been broken when Linda dumped me & my sisters off in abandonment, it had been broken when I wouldn't see my sisters again for another 17 years. It had been broken in foster home after foster home after foster home, it had been broken when my parents had finally had enough and after 6 years of adoption had put me in the Sacramento Children's Home. No it wasn't my heart that was the problem; my soul then? Well I think we all know I pretty much sold that off to the devil years earlier, so I couldn't very well miss that could I?...

...See my whole life I have been a dreamer. An idea man, give me any thought, subject or picture and in 10 min I can have a story for you, in 30 I can have a film idea; give me a few weeks and I can have a solid film concept from beginning to end. And it wasn't just film, it was everything, from tying the red cape around my neck and “flying” around as a child, to dreaming what my kids could do with their lives, to dreaming the ultimate scenario for my own life, I lived by dreams. It was those dreams that steered me, that saved through all the beatings, through all the molestations through all fights and even through all the suicide attempts, it was those dreams that got me through. When I had no money, it's OK cause I have my dreams & in those I store enough will power to get through anything....

...Not only that but my dreams guided me, and brought me pretty much all the successes I have enjoyed in my life. I got those achievements by following dreams. I lost those things and others when I listened to others, others who had put their dreams on the shelf years ago. I learned these people are very dangerous people. They can't stand the idea of someone else making their dreams come true, because it highlights their own insecurities and failures. You know these people they say things like, “that's unrealistic” or “Ya, right good luck” or use terms like “Winning life's lottery” these people are dangerous to all the dreamers of the world, they say they “Keep you grounded” and rest asured they DO! Thank goodness Clark Kents parent's didn't “Keep him grounded” or The Write Brothers, or Henry Ford's, or Thomas Edison's, or Bill Gates....

….So what then? Well yes she took my soul out into the Phantoms proverbial night, but assuming I hadn't really sold it off to the devil all those years ago, then it most certainly was her's to take. It was given to her by eternal right, by the fact that without her, I wouldn't have even known it existed. No it certainly wasn't either of those things she took from me. What then did I lose that pushed me so far? What I ask myself did I give her that pushed me to take all the pills and liquor? What did she take that was worth giving my life for?...

...EUREKA! I got it, I woke up from yet another nightmare filled with the usual images of her and one of the others doing all those things we did in the beginning and it hit me; The answer as it seems is a lot more simple that it first appeared. All those counciling hours with all those Dr.'s and in the end it wasn't any long complicated thing. My dreams, that's it. It's as simple as that she took my dreams, she robbed me of everything I had stored up in me. I couldn't dream of a future without her in it, every plan Steve and I made and my vision was always with her in it....